The Truth Is

So I'm just sitting here thinking...which I've been doing a lot of lately. It's actually pretty much all I've been doing lately. Since I've moved back home, I've been kind of down. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO happy to be back here, and I don't regret any decision I've made for a second. But life is just so much different here now. Before I left, I had just graduated so I was still in that "high school mode", if you know what I mean. I had all my high school friends, and did so many high school activities, and was so full of dreams. But then I left and started moving away from that "high school life"... and so did everyone else here. Reality is, all of my friends have moved on without me, because I wasn't here. And that's okay, I get it...high school doesn't last forever. But even though I understand it, I've still been really struggling with it since I've been back. Loneliness was something that I had a really hard time with in NC, and now I still feel really lonely. I mean, it's not as bad as it was there, because at least now I have all of my family...but it's still really hard to come home and realize that I don't really have any friends anymore. Then add on the fact that I have NO idea what I want to do with my life. So I sit at home, missing my friends that I don't have anymore, having nothing to do, and not even knowing what I WANT to do! It's depressing. And I hate that. I HATE being depressing. It makes me feel so pathetic. And I don't want anyone else to know that I'm pathetic. I guess if I really think about it, that's probably part of the reason why I don't have friends anymore. Because truth is, I could probably call up one of my old friends and tell them all of this, and they would probably be there for me... but I don't want them to feel bad for me. I don't want them to see me depressed. They've all moved on, and I don't want to bring anyone down. But at the same time I just LONG for someone to talk to. See what I mean? I'm pathetic lol. I'm really trying to work through all these problems. It's a daily struggle. Some moments I'm able to talk myself into feeling that everything is going to be okay... and then other times I feel useless and pathetic. And I hate that I feel that way, because I know I have so much to be thankful for, but that's just the truth, and I can't really hide it. I've never really been the kind of person that could easily hide how they feel ;) Anyways... this actually isn't even what I was thinking about when I first started this post, but this is what came out when I started typing haha. So if anyone actually read this post... sorry it was depressing! But it made me feel a little better letting it all out.